


finding rest in distant places

by ApatheticRobots



Series: treating tfp starscream right since the show won't do it [1]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Prime
Genre: Asexual Character, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Character Death, No Dialogue, Other characters mentioned - Freeform, Queerplatonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:41:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25743757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApatheticRobots/pseuds/ApatheticRobots
Summary: It's not the typical kind of relationship one would expect a grieving mech to seek, especially one with such a reputation as Knock Out has.
Relationships: Knock Out & Starscream (Transformers)
Series: treating tfp starscream right since the show won't do it [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1919443
Comments: 5
Kudos: 84





	finding rest in distant places

**Author's Note:**

> unbeta'd. little something i wrote in twenty minutes because i am sad and like to project onto my faves. 
> 
> rated g for gentleness is the best approach to helping sad boys. if you think the rating needs to be raised because of the implications made in some parts, please let me know.

It's not the typical kind of relationship one would expect a grieving mech to seek. It's not trying to forget, or move on, or pretend it's someone else. There's nothing sexual about it. Though it seems so at first glance, there's hardly even anything romantic, you'd realize if you looked a bit closer.

It's not the typical kind of relationship one would expect a grieving mech to seek, especially one with such a reputation as Knock Out has.

Flirty comments, inviting expressions, a generally licentious air about him-- anyone who'd spoken to Knock Out for five minutes would draw a lot of conclusions about him in as short a time. If you spoke to him longer, if you knew him better, you'd know those conclusions were almost completely incorrect. Almost, because the conclusion they drew about his vanity is probably right. But the conclusion about his promiscuity? Dead wrong.

People know Knock Out, or they think they do, and they think they know Starscream too. And, as they watch Knock Out type the code into the keypad beside Starscream's door in the dead of night and slip inside, they think they know what the two egomaniacs get up to together.

They're probably wrong.

Because when Knock Out lets the door shut and lock behind him, he doesn't pull Starscream down into any kind of desperation. There's no heat, there's no straying of servos to less than savory places. Knock Out climbs into the berth and Starscream makes room for him and there's nothing scandalous about it.

Neither of them speak, not until it's later and they're both awake even though they shouldn't be. Knock Out presses himself back against the seeker and Starscream wraps an arm around his chassis. He's careful, because while he knows Knock Out won't break the peaceful silence to do something petty like complain about scratches on his finish, he still doesn't want to give the medic any reason to grieve more. People call Knock Out vain. Starscream wonders why that makes people want to ruin his appearance. He wonders why confidence invites mockery.

Starscream falls back into recharge easily with a warm frame next to his own, and sometimes Knock Out recharges too. Sometimes he can't stop thinking about the past and the future and unsent messages and _"It's just a simple mission, I'll be back before you know it"_ and the thoughts are too loud. But sometimes he sleeps.

Both of them are too damaged to be able to sleep through the night anymore. So if they're both asleep one of them wakes, and that wakes the other. If one is still awake, the one that isn't wakes as well.

Sometimes Starscream speaks. It's not easy, for as much as he loves hearing himself talk, honesty does not come naturally to one that’s built a life out of falsehoods. But he won't lie-- not here, not now, not together in the dark with someone that's been lied to enough. He speaks quietly but he speaks truthfully. About the pain, the violence, the hair trigger temper of the walking war that commands their ship that he knows well how to navigate by now but still manages to draw the ire of. He stays, because what else would he do, but he knows now that what he deals with isn't good. It's a step up.

More often, Knock Out speaks. A mech that's been as far as him has more than enough stories to tell to pass the time. But this is not the place for embellishments and dramatics. His stories are soft, and they are close to his spark. They tell of quiet nights spent in and magnificent views seen for the first time with another, with someone that he's spent so long beside he's forgotten how to be without. Sometimes he ends up laughing, other times he ends up crying, usually he is numb and impassive as he speaks. He's not sure which is better. 

Sometimes the nights are bad, and it's on those nights that the stories are benched and the speaking is quiet and full of careful reassurances and gentle reminders. That they aren't alone, that they _will_ get out of this safe and sound. That there's a better future. It's a nice thought, even if more often than not they both think they're lying. This is one falsehood they'll let themselves believe.

The Decepticons teach you quickly that hope is a fragile thing, as much as it is unbreakable. It lasts, it stands up against the most brutal of attacks and the harshest of words. But one careful stroke, or several pointed smaller strokes, can shatter it in seconds.

It's been far too long for either of them to still be hoping. But in these moments, they can believe they want to, and it's enough to trick them into getting a good night's recharge.

Morning comes, because the passage of time is as inevitable as the war that destroyed the world was, and with it comes the professionalism that would be expected from both their positions. They are restless, so they wake before the alarms go off, and Knock Out leaves silently in an attempt to not wake Starscream, an attempt that fails because centuries of vigilance have made Starscream hyper-aware of any changes in the space around him. If the seeker wakes first, he gently shakes Knock Out until red optics blink open, and he doesn't _shove_ because the door is still closed and there's no reputations to keep here, but he's still Starscream so it's more of a forceful nudge for the medic to get up. Which he does. Even if it takes a minute.

He gets up, and there's no mention made of whatever they spoke about the previous night. The sun clears the conversation slate. 

It's a scene that would be called 'domestic' by anyone that saw it and didn't know the context. Starscream stays in the berth, curled up with blankets tucked around him in a nest his kind were prone to making even if he doesn’t acknowledge it. Knock Out gets up, and he'll procure cubes from somewhere, and one will be placed on the berth beside Starscream's head and he'll drink the other slowly, giving his systems time to adjust. Some days he'll take the washracks. Starscream, while not as vain as him, has a _fine_ selection of solvents and polishes. Other days he'll spend too long waking up or having his drink and have to leave before he gets a chance. 

They part without any further exchange between them. 

It is an arrangement that defies expectations, as much as the involved parties do beneath their predictable surfaces. It's something genuine, and something chaste. The antithesis of deceit and suggestiveness.

It may not last. But for now it is comfortable. And that is enough.


End file.
